Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Trump's Upcoming Third "Important" Policy Speech

September 4th, 2016

We see a stage with podium.

Reince Preibus enters. He is wheeling Trump in a rolling “Silence of the Lambs” upright steel stretcher with face cage.

Priebus rolls the cage behind the podium, positions microphone beside Trump’s mouth, and exits.

TRUMP: We are here today to discuss a major topic, a very important topic, our American crime & legal policy.

There are simply too many judges in the United States. Why do we need so many? We have at least 1000 members in the Congress–5000, 10,000, & we have pageant judges, Judge Joe Brown, a very good friend, we bring him to Mar-a-lago once a year, Sheriff Arparo, basically a judge…Why do we need more?

Criminals roam our streets. Yet our legal system wastes resources on such trivial issues as bankrupcies, fraud, divorce settlements, fair housing accommodations (voice begins to rise). Enough of these disgusting, terrible suits, the work of Mexicans! Mexican judges tunneling under the Supreme Court! Sending coded messages through the television! I’ve heard it! (He is shouting)

(Priebus enters with syringe. Waves awkwardly to crowd. Injects Trump in arm through roll cage. Trump becomes more slack, relaxed and continues):

Drug policy. We must be able to keep drugs off the streets, & in the higher-end clubs & red state meth labs, where they belong. Also, some casino use is ok, if it boosts play rate.

Guns, must be kept out of the hands of criminals, & in the hands of patriots. That is why I am announcing today a new policy that I call “Extreme Protection: Vote Right, Shoot Right.”

Each voter who states that they have voted for Trump will be awarded a free gun. Right at the polls. Protect themselves from Crooked Hillary supporters immediately.

This plan will make (speech begins to slur) a safer America...better...America...Muslims...no, Mom, don't want to go to Military School...

(Falls asleep).