Saturday, August 13, 2016

Trump in Office I: March, 2017

MARCH, 2017:

(explosions from grass behind South Lawn)

TRUMP: Irony!

Aide enters breathlessly. He is awkwardly carrying: the Modified Presidential Daily Brief, reduced to a series of Twitter-length passages embossed in Austrian crystal on a Javan Rhinoceros leather-bound gold tablet; a copy of "North Korean Escort Quarterly;" a large, black, reinforced fabric skirt, as if to cover some large craft; & a canister of Wet Ones.

AIDE: I've brought the cover for the Sports Car/Hovercraft, sir.

TRUMP: Good, good. Melania doesn't like to get her gown dirty from the...disruption outside.

(He reaches for the Quarterly)

AIDE: want to review the...brief, Mr. President?

TRUMP (After a long silent stare during which a missile can be heard streaking above the Oval): Brilliant. Just brilliant. I have a video conference with Kim in the Situation Room to review the G12 Model Summit at noon & I...(irritated) Alright, just give to me (Aide moves to hand him PDB).
Not yet! (Aide abashedly opens Wet Ones, wipes down PDB, hands to Trump). Good. Leave those here. And fire yourself on the way out. (Aide exits).

Desk intercom--all buttons shaped in Trump royal crest--lights. He polishes button with remainder of Wet One, throws away, & pushes.

TRUMP: Chris? What?

Chris Christie, stationed at secretaries desk outside Oval, responds.

CHRISTIE: Mr. Putin for you on the secure line, sir.

TRUMP: That's Mr. President, Chris. Mr. President.. Remember.

CHRISTIE (crestfallen) Yes, Mr. President.

Shoulder fired rocket explodes in Rose Garden.

TRUMP: Satire!

Answers phone.

TRUMP: Vlad! Yes, I got the Prince of Novgorod mirror, I'm looking at it now. I would have preferred a Stalin...Check? I told Treasury Secretary Nell-Hughes to send it...I know, but think of how the Ruble has increased to the dollar. (Anti-personnel mine detonates by Trump-installed "Winning Arch.") Noise? No, that's just Trump Force One, the new gold-plated engines. Loud!