Sunday, August 14, 2016

The Republican Party Faces Its Addiction

Republican enters therapy office. Lies down on couch. 

THERAPIST: So, how has it been?

REPUBLICAN: Rough. Really. 

T: Tell me more.

R: You know. When I first tried the stuff, the no facts, it was amazing. I felt so free! I didn't need to use any information at all! Just say what you want, don't read...It was so...liberating.

T: I see. (nods)

R: Then along comes Trump, and before you know it, it's supercharged, I couldn't believe it! The Washington crack pipe times a thousand! Just pure visceral hatred, malevolence, vengeance. What a rush!

I felt so powerful, like a monomanical, chauvinistic, dogmatic, narrow-minded superman, like there was nothing that I couldn't concoct and then disparage, no matter how baseless or absurd, without any knowledge at all.

Soon, I was mainlining the stuff. Mexicans actually originated in Kenya, where they met with Rafael Cruz to plot the formation of ISIS?  Sure. A huge, powerful hit. Obama wears a secret Arabic ring that signals doctors to give childhood vaccines & sent Hillary a coded message through her fillings to hit Vince Foster? Why not! Pristine, purified, unadulterated mindless rage. Black tar, smack shot, uncut, straight into the heart. 

T: So, tell me what's happened.

R: It's the crash. You feel the hit, hear the crazed roar, you think it will never stop. But then you hit the wall. It's just too much. It was fine when you were just shooting Gingrich, or Santorum. Training wheels. But this was hard, hard stuff. You lose it. The buzz, the feeling...that you can win. You know. You've gone too far. You're hooked on the junk and you can't get off!

T: Easy. Just relax.

R: You've got to help me. I don't think I can make it to November with...this. I've got to just...cut it off. Cold turkey. Just cut it off. I can't keep pouring money, and energy and time into this...bottomless pit of futile, failing, senseless insanity. You've got to help me. 

T: I will. And the first step is to admit you have a problem. And it must end now.