Sunday, September 18, 2016

Trump Claims Partial Remission of Delusional Disorder

Washington, D.C. At the grandiose facade of his most recent attempt to erect a stable foundation to somehow secure his erratic, careening insecure, irrational, precarious, ultra-sensitive, slippery, unsteady, volatile, weak, borderline, capricious, dubious, fitful, shifty, suspect, temperamental, untrustworthy, vacillating, variable, wavering, weaving, ultimately nihilistic self, Donald Trump claimed today that his five year episode of delusional disorder, one of the most serious, fixed, and untreatable of the psychotic disorders, was in partial remission.

"Reality will now be different" Trump claimed, in royal tones that undercut his claims to be free of psychosis, & led to marked discomfort in his audience. "I now proclaim that Barack Obama was born in...America." He then raised and lowered his right arm in a gesture suggesting that he believed that he was holding a sceptre.

In response to questions from the press that a) he had claimed that the birth certificate produced by the State of Hawaii was an "illusion"; b) that contemporaneous 1961 press reports repeatedly announced the birth as in Hawaiil & that c) African Americans were profoundly concerned that a Presidential candidate had, for five years, claimed that the President was not a citizen, Trump responded:

"Birth certificates, real, false, just a issue made up by the press. The point is, I made the birth certificate real! What he said at the Correspondent's Dinner was just a sign that he knew...he knew...that I could do this. And when. So don't talk to me about Hawaii. I've licensed, I've built, I've created 2, 10, one hundred condos in Hawaii. You think I wouldn't know about one built in 1961! African Americans? Dad! Should I call Mr. Green?"

Campaign manager Kellyanne Conway then moved to the microphone to announce that there would be no more questions, and the press was led back to its newly designed soundproof pen.