Speech, run through Trump Interpretation Device:
-This is a speech where I am struggling to portray myself as serious, following a series of slurs, gaffes, improprieties, indiscretions, solecisms, indecorums, howlers, accusations, innuendos, put-downs, smears, affronts, assaults, animadversions, aspersions, backbiting, deceptions, disinformation, distortions, evasions, full-out fabrications, falsehoods, fictions, and misrepresentations unequaled in modern American campaign history;
- I am reading this in the manner of an Eighth grade book report, interspersed with "totally"s and "believe it"s for authenticity;
-My face is turning increasingly red as I attempt not to shout, contrasting conspicuously with my preternatural shade of orange;
-Every word of what I am saying--every word, believe me--is subject to immediate, moment-to-moment change, as demonstrated by my thirty year history of:
-Breaking contracts with workers, craftsmen, construction companies, lenders, and ex-wives;
-Denying statements, commitments, and supposedly unbreakable oaths that I have made only moments before;
-Stating that "reasonable deceit" is a fundamental principle of dealing with others;
-Leaving a trail of broken promises to laborers, casinos, condominium buyers, government officials, and the U.S. public long enough to exceed the Great Wall of China--which I promise to replace with the largest, most impressive casino ever, and which will fail.
-None of this matters, as my ultimate goal, a nihilistic self-destruction similar to Charles Foster Kane's grasping despair over his Rosebud, is not known even to myself.