Thursday, August 11, 2016

Trump Blames Obama, Hillary for Lincoln Assassination


ONE MONTH LATER: 
CNBC Studios: 

QUICK: So, Mr. Trump, if I understand you correctly, you're saying that President Obama is responsible for the Lincoln Assassination. 

TRUMP: Many people have said that, yes. And crooked Hillary Clinton. You know...how they say in baseball, a Double Hitter? They were the Double Hitter of the Lincoln Assassination. 

QUICK: Mr. Trump, the Lincoln Assassination took place in 1865. How would it even be possible for either of them to have been involved? 

TRUMP: I've sent teams...teams...back to look for this. They are saying amazing things, amazing things, that they've found. Incredible things. 

QUICK: How would it even be possible... 

TRUMP (Interrupting irritably): Look. Believe me. I have seen this. Unbelievable evidence. Just unbelievable. A disaster. One of the great catastrophes of all time. Horrible. Terrible. Disgusting. (Wipes hands on pants).  

QUICK: But John Wilkes Booth was proven...how... 

TRUMP: How? They walk in. They walk into the booth, or the veranda, or whatever they call it, boom. It's done. I've seen it. They committed this. They invented this.  

QUICK (Shaking head): So you blame... 

TRUMP: There's only one person to blame. Obama. And Hillary. I just know that they did this, they got us into a mess the likes of which this country has never seen, walked in, forty-five degree angle, went into Henry Ford Theater, wherever, and boom, finished, done. Obama and Hillary. Crooked Hillary! And I promise that my first act as President will be to rescind the assassination, rescind it entirely, even if I have to use Article Seventeen of the Constitution, I'll do it. I'm the only one who can do it. And I'll get it done.  

QUICK (Pauses): We'll be right back.