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LOCATION: Zeta Zygrfzyk
Quadrant Hospital, Psychiatric Ward
Patient is wheeled in on stretcher. His hair is wildly arrayed, with pieces obviously glued to his scalp in patches. His skin has been colored in some bizarre shade of orange, in a delusional attempt to mimic a tan
Stretcher is rolled to admitting triage nurse.
NURSE: Name?
TRUMP: Name? Name? Oh, you want to play games with me. You nasty, nasty woman. You know my name.
N: (has heard this all before on intake): Why don’t you tell me your name, so everyone can hear you.
T: Trump! Trump! Donald J. Trump! I own some of the greatest properties, finest, only iconic, in all the world! I grope only the finest, most desirable women! Big!
N: Yes, Mr…Trumb. What brings you here today?
T: What? What? These idiots! I am running for President of the United States! I told them! I’m trying to get the Mexicans out, the rapists & criminals, the bad ones, the Indianans, & the President, who started ISIS you know, but I was interrupted by the beauty queen who was too fat, & I told the Generals, ‘I know better’, but they didn’t listen, so I said we’d get the nuclear weapons for Japan…& Korea…I told him, I told Vladimir…
N: O...kay, Mr. Trunk. Just slow down. We're going to bring in someone to...help...to run some tests.
PSYCHIATRIST enters.
P: What seems to be the problem, Mr. Truss?
T: Trump! Where is my gastroenterologist?
P: He is...not the right person to help you right now. Tell me what's happening.
T: They're rigging it. Fixing it. I can tell. I can just...feel these things. Like my income...it's how I feel from day to day. The press, they should thank me, thank me for all I've done, but they're after me, with questions, questions. Why? They didn't do that with John Barron!
P: Nurse, LAI Risperidone, stat.
T: I still am not going to withdraw from being President! I'll keep you all in suspense!
P: That's fine, Mr. Trank, just lie back, & we'll all relax...
