Friday, October 03, 2008

I May Not Answer The Questions The Way You And The Moderator Want...

Palin: I may not answer the questions the way you and the moderator want, but I'm going to talk straight to the American people

Ifill: Ok...Gov. Palin. Sen. McCain has said that he will take on the excesses of the financial industries that have led to today's chaos. Yet, Sen. McCain has been for deregulation of those industries throughout his career. How do you resolve that seemingly glaring inconsistency?

Palin: Well, like I said. I'm an outsider, so it's time for straight talk. In Alaska, we like a good cup of Mocha. Good n' strong. And that's how I want out government to be. Good and strong. We won't let terrorists or Al Qaeda march into our towns, into Wasilla--and I know that we're behind that. Why, I just saw a hockey mom walkin' with Joe Sixpack on Main Street in Wasilla. (winks).

And so I think that's the way that we can best support our people.

Biden: With all due respect, the Governor has not answered the question. The facts are that in virtually every legislative instance where Sen. McCain has had the opportunity to place reasonable regulations on financial industry before this crisis occurred, he has not done so. It is only with the advent of his campaign that he has begun making these statements. Sen. Obama and I have called for such regulation long before.

Ifill: Gov. Palin?

Palin: There you go, Joe, usin' those facts and those figures that Washington insiders use. Regular, everyday Americans don't want those fancy facts and figures. They want to know that they're getting straight talk--even if it doesn't answer the question at all.

Ifill: Our next question is on Iraq and Afghanistan. The war in Afghanistan has now gone on for over 8 years. We have seen a return of violence to multiple areas in Afghanistan, where the origins of the conflict began, while most funding has been devoted to Iraq, where there was no direct link to the origins of the fight against terrorist organizations. Sen. Palin, specifically, how would you modify current policy to ensure that proper military effort and funding are being devoted to Afghanistan, and what specific plans would you propose for phasing out action in Iraq and in creating strategic and tactical military progress in Afghanistan?

Palin: Well, Gwen, like I said, I'm an outsider, and outsiders, like mavericks, make their own rules, and that includes how they answer questions. So I'd like to give a shout out to the third grade class in the APO in Kabul. Hey kids! Now, I'm sure that those kids, just like all decent Americans, believe that General Petreaus is doing a heroic job, and we know that he will keep the terrorists on the run in main theatre of the war, Iraq, without showing the white flag of surrender, until we win. Hi, Kids. And with General Petreaus in place, we have the surge...and the surge is working in Iraq, and so the surge would work in Afghanistan, where General Petreus's brave principles would also win them their freedom if we don't surrender. After all, it's like we say in Wasilla, it's energy independence, the phrase is "Drill, Baby, Drill." I respect you, Sen. Biden, for doing things wrong. And that's why John McCain will stand in the face of terror for our freedoms.

Ifill: Senator Biden?

Biden: The general who is the commander of forces in Afghanistan has said--today--that the surge strategy will notwork in Afghanistan. I want you to listen to that again. The commander in Afghanistan--not Joe Biden--has said that the surge will not work in Afghanistan. You just have to listen to the person who is actually in charge of that specific area. That's a fact.

Palin: General McClellan did not say that. He did not say that a strategy of hold and secure would not work in Afghanistan. General McClellan is the Joe Sixpack of Afghanistan--every hockey mom knows that. How long have I been at this, five weeks? Me and McCain and Joe Sixpack and hockey moms--we share that worldview.

Voice of Truth, at a frequency only able to be heard by dogs: His name is McKiernan. McKiernan. McClellan was a general in the Civil War. McKiernan.

Biden: The general...(gracefully) did say that. And, I do have to say, Gwen, I did not hear a plan. Sen. Obama and I, if we have the privilege of taking office, will remove troops from Iraq within 18 months, will ensure that Iraq troops can become responsible for their own security, and will devote those extraordinary funds to the security and financial needs of Americans where it is most necessary---in Afghanistan, and here at home.

Ifill: Alright, now we move onto the question of your own qualifications. Gov. Palin, you have been criticized recently for being unprepared for the Vice Presidency, or the possibility of the Presidency. Sen. Biden, you have been critiqued for being undisciplined. Can you name your Achilles Heel, as it were? Sen. Biden, first:

Biden: Well, I'm sure that lack of discipline is only one of my flaws. But I know that we will work as hard as we can for this country.

Ifill: Gov. Palin?

Palin: No. But that's such a short answer, so I'll say this. Gwen, I have the experience for doin' this job, the executive experience, and I think we need that kind of experience, of what folks are wantin' on Main Street in Wasilla, and what hockey moms are wantin' too! And I know that John McCain will also bring the experiences necessary to this great nation, to preserve our great freedoms. Sen. Biden isn't a hockey mom. He didn't grow up on Main Street in Wasilla. Joe Sixpack did. I may not have an Achilles heel, or know what one is. And that's exactly what America needs. And that's why Americans will be proud and free.

20 comments:

Mitchell said...

This would be funnier if it wasn't so close to the truth

Anonymous said...

I was just looking over the CNN transcript of the debate and i couldn't find any section where Palin mentions "fancy facts and figures." While I thought she sounded completely devoid of knowledge about national and international issues, I'm wondering if this stuff is made up. what is your source?

Anonymous said...

It's satire.

carmelo said...

The scary part of the whole thing is she gave less detail in the "real" debate. You give her too much credit on this satirical piece.

Anonymous said...

HILARIOUS! But so sad.. agree with Carmelo.

Anonymous said...

I am staggered by the people who can't tell satire from reality.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Palin actually addresses the questions in this piece. Jane Six-pack needs to take her act back to Alaska.

sand said...

You must send this to Saturday Nighy Live. It should be performed. I'm still laughing at "No---but that would a short answer......."

Now I know why it too her six years to get out of college--she was delayed by the time it takes to deliver a "snow job" on her professors.

Anonymous said...

yes it is sad how the media plays up and promotes such a bulldozing speech. All she did was to just come back ..... with nothing. Just talk. and then they say that she won it !!!!!
Good heavens ! I hope we get a better education system and people start looking at what the candidates have to offer in terms of policy and not if they are a women or a man, or if they are " CUTE " or how they acted. Its become almost like a Hollywood stage production. She was carrying a baby after the drama. Was that to impress the " be at home mothers " We need a leader of the country not a baby sitter. She needs to get her language in order. The country is in too much peril to get a novice like her in the seat. She needs to be ready, not just ready for training, and what is all this about freedom !!!! when both parties voted in the wire tapping deal !!!!
One thing I am sure of.... we need change but not the likes of her. That's for sure.

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